The Highlight Reel

I think the problem with our generation is that we compare ourselves to the façade that others have laid out before us via social media posts. Is it possible that we compare ourselves not to an individual at their core, but instead to their highlight reel. As viewers we see the flawless pictures and positive posts, but we fail to see the hurt they endure and the wounds that are hidden beneath the surface. One of the greatest misconceptions is that how someone represents themselves on social media is a true representation of how they truly are.

Personally, I am the type of person who refuses to post my annoyances or issues on social media. I feel that Facebook is not a place to “face” my problems. Yet, somehow people feel that because I shy away from blasting my feelings on a social media site for the world to see that my life is somehow perfect, or that problems never arise in my life.

I have come to the realization that we must view social media as a highlight reel. We cannot compare our everyday, often mundane lives to someone else’s highlight reel.

Over the course of the past two or three months, I felt God speak very clearly to me about becoming more vulnerable. I have always been the type of person to shield my emotions in an attempt to save myself from hurt or rejection. I’ve always had this obsession with being this enigma, this girl who nobody really knew but everybody knows.  Over time, I have come to the conclusion that this obsession stems from my belief that being vulnerable is a weakness, that somehow showing feeling and allowing people to see my open wounds would damage me more than I could afford. Recently, however, I felt this desire to truly be vulnerable. Vulnerability is one of the most frightening things in the entire world. Allowing people to see my weaknesses is something that I will always struggle with, yet, how can I minister and speak into the lives of people dealing with hurt, pain and rejection if I cannot relate to them. This is the conclusion that I came to. I have realized that there must be a reason that thousands of people from dozens of different countries read this blog. Vulnerability. That is the key.

Time after time I have poured my heart out on this blog. I believe that is the reason that so many read it. I’d like to think that maybe I’m a decent writer, but perhaps you’re reading this simply because you feel a connection, perhaps you relate to the things that I write about. Those of you who read this, you are the people who truly know me. You know my heart and who I truly am at my core.

Earnest Hemmingway once said, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed”. My thoughts exactly.

If you get nothing else from this post, aside from my very apparent appreciation to you all, understand that my life via social media is indeed a highlight reel. Perfect lives do not exist. Understand that between each flawless post there will always be moments of hurt, pain and rejection. Understand that social media is a façade, it is not, nor will ever be reality. Social media has been one of the greatest tools, personally, to make friends across the country, and around the world, however, remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If I could encourage you to do anything I would simply encourage you to be vulnerable. Whether it’s on social media or in person, remember that you cannot allow yourself to be so removed or so “cool” that you don’t allow people to hear about the goodness of Jesus. I deal with certain issues that maybe you do not, but there are trials that God has allowed you to go through that I will never face. Be vulnerable. I promise you, by allowing people to see you at your core, in your rawest form, God will then give you power to minister like never before. Just over a week ago, on the flight home from Oklahoma City, a woman in her late fifties, poured her heart out to me. The conversation began with small talk, but transitioned quickly into something much deeper. This woman, worth millions, began, with tears streaming down her face, to tell me her story. Yet, if I hadn’t been vulnerable with her, God never would have opened the door for me to minister to her. Vulnerability can be your greatest asset. Take it from me, being an enigma gets old quickly. Remember that social media is simply a highlight reel. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic and you will see God work through your life in ways that you never imagined.

“For My strength is made perfect in weakness”

XOXO

Nikkimarie

PS: Do yourself a favor and go purchase my friend, Justin Michael’s Song “Exposed” on Itunes. Its phenomenal.

The Decision

 

 

 

 

 

"No matter what happens in life, be good to people. Being good is a wonderful legacy to leave behind." - Taylor Swift

 

Sometimes life throws a curve ball at you. Its unexpected. You cannot anticipate it; you cannot prepare for it. And then you find yourself completely shocked and unprepared and scared, because what you thought to be true, isn't true at all. What you expected is just a reminder of what you have lost. You're trust has been betrayed, and the pain that you feel is unbearable. Forgiveness seems like an insurmountable obstacle, and revenge appears to be the best option.

 

And I think if we are honest with ourselves, we have all felt this feeling. This feeling of frustration and hurt and pain. Its overwhelming. You cared for them. You trusted them. You believed that they had your best interest at heart. You never imagined the betrayal that ensued. For me, that's the scary part, the fact that you trusted who they claimed to be. And honestly, it would be so easy, understandable even, to get revenge and expose the true extent of their character. Yet, that still small voice echoes in my head: forgive.

 

You cannot let the actions of others dictate who you are and where you are going. Charles R. Swindoll once said, "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it". You cannot control the actions of others. You cannot control their intention, but you can control your response. You can control how you deal with what life has thrown at you. Does forgiveness come naturally? Are we naturally programmed to forgive and forget? It is human nature to desire revenge and justice, and to want to obliterate a reputation that so deserves to be exposed. But what I have found is that all of the hate and the hurt and the revenge profits nothing.

 

Whenever I am contemplating on how to handle a situation, I turn my attention to the life of Christ. Yes, I understand that Jesus was perfect and faultless, however, he was presented with all of the same temptations and situations that we encounter on a daily basis. His life is the perfect example of how we must conduct ourselves in trying circumstances. When I think of betrayal, my mind wanders to Peter. Peter and Jesus had a relationship. He walked with Jesus, he traveled with him, he did ministry with him. Jesus invested in him, he cared so deeply for Peter. He wanted to see him change the world. For three years Peter was His constant companion. But we find that during the time frame of Jesus' trial and crucifixion, Peter betrays Jesus. At the time when trust and commitment mattered the most, His confidant, His disciple, His number one supporter, this man that Jesus had poured his time and energy into betrays Him. In fact Peter denies his relationship with Jesus. Not once, but three times. How is it that someone who walked and talked and gleaned from Jesus, could bear to deny him? Yet, Jesus forgives. He continues to love Peter and invest in him, despite the fact that he denied knowing Him.

 

In the quest for revenge we often lose sight of who we are. We forget that we are imperfect. We forget that somewhere along the line, someone has forgiven us and given us mercy when we were undeserving. I never want to forget that I am the product of a merciful God. Regardless of the hurt that we have experienced, we must choose to be good to people despite all. We must choose to forgive in the face of betrayal.

 

Forgiveness is a decision.

 

Just as, "His grace is sufficient for me", it will also be sufficient for that person who has wounded me. We must choose to forgive. By choosing forgiveness, you allow God to deal with that person. Do not take revenge upon yourself. "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself."

 

"How blessed are those who are merciful, because it is they who will receive mercy."

 

XOXO

 

NikkiMarie

 

Keeping Modesty Cool |

Keeping Modesty Cool.

In the article, “Redefining Sexy” from Darling Magazine, one man simply says, “As a man I’m more attracted to a woman who knows how to dress for her body type in a modest, confident and classy way as opposed to simply showing a lot of skin and wearing tight clothes. Something is beautifully intimidating about a girl like this. It’s almost as if there is an unspoken mystery in her modesty and the pursuer in me comes alive around her. I know that she respects herself by the way she dresses and carries herself, so I am challenged to treat her with the same respect.”

Recently, I have contemplated and reevaluated the reason that I stand for modesty. I think that this mainly stems from the fact that next week, my first year of college will come to a close. And what I’ve found is that spending time at my university has only solidified my belief and support of modest dress. I truly believe that the respect that I receive from both male and female students and professors, directly correlates to the way in which I dress.

The problem with our culture lies in the fact that it is over sexualized. Everyone has heard the phrase “Sex sells”, and unfortunately it’s true. Yet, when we throw modesty to the curb, we as women are allowing ourselves to be viewed as nothing more than an object. Instead of being a force to be reckoned with, we are instead something to lust after, and nothing more. What about modesty? We hear this word, and I feel like it always has a negative connotation. But why? What is it about that word that makes us cringe?  Modesty at its very core is a way to express our inner sentiments outwardly. How we present ourselves in our outward appearance is a reflection of heart’s condition. What we wear is a reflection of who we are and the way that we feel about ourselves.

One of the biggest misconceptions about modesty is that as women we are trying to hide our bodies. Many people are under the impression that those who choose to dress modestly are ashamed of their bodies, and thus feel the need to hide them. However, what I have found is that choosing to dress modesty gives me a confidence and a freedom to express my thoughts without the fear that they will be disregarded or dismissed. And what I mean by that is this: when you dress modestly your thoughts, ideas and opinions are more likely to be respected and accepted. If you demonstrate that you have self-respect through your appearance you are then much more apt to receive respect in return. When you dress modestly people are not focused on your exposed body, but instead on the words, ideas and opinions that YOU as a woman have to offer.

Modesty is a mystery. I always want to be an enigma, because that’s cool. When we as women leave everything out on display, nothing is a mystery. I want people to wonder about me. I want people to see a recognizable difference in me, and wonder. Because, honestly being different is cool. Why would you want to be like every other girl? Every girl on planet earth sports leggings and crop tops on a daily basis. And the problem is, when trying to fit in with “everybody else” we lose that innate, God given uniqueness.

Being “modest” does not mean that we as Christian women should wear baggy jean skirts, tennis shoes and a sweatshirt. If this is our definition of modesty, than it should be no wonder, why so many women shy away from the ideals of modesty. This is the main reason that I am endeavoring to keep modesty cool. Because it’s cool to be different. 

Honestly, I love fashion. I love exquisite designers, I love the smell of genuine leather, I love to lust after Ellie Saab’s creations and I love New York Fashion Week. I am a major advocate of personal style. I truly believe that what you wear is a reflection of who you are on the inside. And I truly feel that modesty should reflect that. Dressing modestly doesn’t have to be frumpy and boring. You can showcase your personality and your personal style in a way that will bring you joy while simultaneously giving glory to God.

As women of God it is our duty to present ourselves with class and style. If we truly desire others to want what it is that we possess, we must dress in a way that is conducive to that need.

Modesty is beautiful. There is such beauty in a woman who knows her worth in Christ and does not need validation from others. Present yourself in a way that makes other people want to dress modestly too. It’s time to start making modesty cool again. With modesty comes a confidence that will make you truly shine from the inside out. Embrace different. Modesty is cool. Keep it that way. Join me in the movement #KeepingModestyCool!

Proverbs 31- “She is clothed in fine linen and purple…She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come…Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”.

XOXO

NIKKIMARIE

 

       

 

 

Photography Courtesy of my incredibly talented friend, Live Free Shoot. 

Follow him on Instagram at @L_I_V_E_F_R_E_E_

25 Things You May Not Know About Me:

1.) Although I pretty much use Nikki for all of my social media sites...only like three people actually call me as Nikki in real life.

2.) I have a very serious addition to pomegranate Brookside. Sometimes I'm really bad and I eat them in church. Yeah. It's a problem.

3.) I love jazz.

4.) I am a massive fan of Alfred Hitchcock movies.

5.) Cary Grant. Enough said.

6.) I will never tire of watching Sleepless in Seattle. "It was like..magic."

7.) Sometimes I listen to opera in my spare time, just to mix things up, and I legitimately enjoy it.

8.) I got shingles at age 14.

9.) I like to mix different perfumes together.

10.) My favorite color is gold.

11.) I plan on naming my son, Royal. (I'm trusting you not to take my baby name)

12.) Ice cream, specifically gelato, is probably my most favorite thing on the planet.

13.) The paragraphs that I have saved in my notes (random thoughts) are so interesting and bizarre (basically an accurate depiction of how my brain operates).

14.) I strongly believe in the concept of a soulmate.

15.) I am a total perfectionist in every sense of the word.

16.) I'm an advocate of overdressing. (Oops you probably already knew that).

17.) My mom always tells people that the only times I'm mean are when I'm hungry or lost. Extremely accurate. Lol.

18.) I want to travel the entire world.

19.) Males: There are few things more attractive than exceptional piano skills & great cologne.

20.) Peonies are my favorite flowers.

21.) Despite the fact that he passed over a decade ago, my great grandfather is still a very well respected author in the apostolic circle. I like to attribute my writing gene to him.

22.) Brown hair. Blue eyes. = My Weakness.

23.) I respect my parents more than anyone else on the planet.

24.) I LOVE to be outdoors. People have this misconception that because I enjoy dressing well, that all I do is shop. Lolol. I love to hike, bike, kayak, swim etc.

25.) I'm out of ideas. 

Follow me on Instagram! - @nikki.marie1

Somebody |

“Be somebody who treats everybody like a somebody.”

I guess I’m just an advocate of making everybody feel like they matter, like they have worth. I think that the greatest thing we can do for someone is to invest in them. There have been so many times throughout my life that I longed so desperately for someone to take the time to truly invest in me, and speak into my life, someone who was outside of my family and friends circle. Over the course of the past year and a half there have been three of four people who have truly taken time to invest in me, simply as a human being. Not necessarily as a musician or a singer or a writer, but me, Nicole Arnold, the person. And I can tell you that those few, very limited, conversations mean so much more to me than those people will probably ever know. Those few people have made a difference in my life, to an extent that they will probably never fully realize.

And what I've realized is this: People not only crave human interaction and acceptance, but they crave interaction from people who truly see worth in them when nobody else does.

People, at their core, desire to feel like they have worth. And what I have found is that investing in people and treating people with kindness and respect can mean more to them than you will ever probably realize. You will not always be surrounded by the people who are social media famous, and wear the best clothes and have the funniest comments, but more than likely you will encounter someone on a daily basis who desperately needs to know that they matter.

Invest in people. Invest in that 13 year old girl who everyone thinks is a lost cause. You never know who she could become. You never know the impact that you could make in her life, simply by taking her out to coffee, shopping or writing her a card. You have the power to alter the course of her life. Your words of encouragement and acts of kindness could motivate her to believe in herself and could propel her to jump start her own life.

Throughout my study of Jesus’ ministry, I’ve learned that he made everybody feel like a somebody. It didn’t matter who approached Him, He took the time to truly focus on their need and then acted accordingly. He invested in people who were not the prime candidates of discipleship. He invested in the misfits, the nobodies and those who were considered second rate people.

For instance, the woman at the well. The woman at the well was an individual who really had no prospects. She didn’t have any friends. She was kind of the outcast. She had been married five times. Clearly, she had an identity problem. She didn’t really fit into any sort of category or mold. Perhaps she was searching for worth in the midst of a broken marriage. Perhaps she spent every day wondering if someone would ever take the time to invest in her. She may have wondered if she was even worthy of true, deep, pure love. No one had ever taken the time to inquire about her situation. Perhaps, instead, others would gossip and snicker and write her off as a lost cause. That’s when Jesus stepped into the picture and demonstrated what it means to truly invest in someone. He simply had a conversation with her that altered the entire course of her existence. Her life was transformed because one person took the time to invest in her soul.

Never underestimate the power of one conversation, because that small, seemingly meaningless conversation could change someone’s life.

 Invest. Uplift. Repeat

Burnout |

This blog post was originally intended for She’s Intentional, the Dainty Jewell’s blog that I have the privilege of writing for, however, I decided that I wanted to post it on my personal blog. So without further ado, here is a portion of my heart. For all the world to see….

Burnout.

If you have served in any capacity for a lengthy period of time, you have most likely experienced burnout. Webster defines burnout as: “the condition of someone who has become very physically and emotionally tired after doing a difficult job for a long time”.

Today instead of a Pinterest inspiration or an outfit post, I am going to just speak from my heart. I have been a Pastor’s daughter for almost fifteen years. We started with very few people and have essentially had to build a church from absolutely nothing. If you’re a PK or have any experience with ministry, you would know that whenever a role becomes vacant, it becomes your job to fill that role, regardless of inexperience or age. In many larger more established churches, a member will come to the Pastor and ask if they can serve in a certain capacity, but when you are building a church you are placed where you are needed. You do not necessarily get to choose where you are placed or how you want to serve.

About four years ago, our music team moved and we were left without a music director, praise team and musicians. We basically had to start from scratch. My parents desperately needed a piano player, so I began taking lessons again and learning to play with chords. At about 17 I began leading worship and playing the piano at the same time. My brother also began singing with a headset while playing the drums because we needed a strong tenor. Then a little over a year ago, our youth pastor got a new job that required him to work on Wednesday nights. This meant that he couldn’t teach youth class anymore. My dad approached me and asked if I would teach the class. To be honest, I was terrified. I have had anxiety about public speaking for years, and to top it off, I had absolutely no experience teaching. I have been teaching for over a year now, and I absolutely love it.

However, I experienced burnout. And to be honest with you, even typing that seems like a defeated response. I try so hard to be super woman and not complain and just serve despite my self-imposed inadequacies, but to be completely transparent I felt emotionally exhausted. If something were to go wrong I would place the blame entirely on my shoulders. I found that it is difficult to have passion for music ministry and youth ministry when you experience burnout. You have no energy to continue, and your stress level is at an all-time high. I was envious of those PKs who seemingly had life served to them on a silver platter. They didn’t stay up at night worrying about the future of the music department.

Then the questioning ensued, God why couldn’t I have things a little easier? How come they don’t have to work as hard as I do? God I’m not cut out for the job.

Yet, it was during these times of immense burnout and stress that I drew closer to God. Instead of complaining and asking why, I began to pray for the anointing. I began to pray that when I sang and played and taught that people would see Him and not me. I do not claim to be the greatest piano player or the greatest teacher, but above all else, I wanted to play and teach with anointing.

To be honest with you, I still experience burnout, on a fairly regular basis, actually. But, what I have learned is that in times of great stress and massive burnout, you draw closer to Him. I’ve learned that there is a work that God wants to do that is greater than me. I’ve learned that when you completely surrender your will and let Him take full control, he will do things through you that you never thought were possible. I’ve learned that God is not concerned with ability but instead: availability. I promise you that your labor is not in vain. And I promise you that God will bless you exceedingly, abundantly, above all you could ask or even think. Despite the time and massive effort and the un-glamourous behind the scenes work that I do on a weekly basis, I never grow tired of watching God completely transform someone’s life. All the work that I do for Him, all the burnout that I experience, all the times that I feel inadequate, it all becomes worth it when someone’s life is made whole and given meaning and hope.

To quote the lyrics of a song written by my dear friend Farrah Newton,

“It’s gonna be worth it. It’s gonna be worth it. It’s gonna be worth it all. I believe that.”

Your efforts are not in vain. It’s all going to be worth it, when you hear Him say, “Well done thou good and faithful servant”. I promise you this.

Xoxo

Saturday |

Happy Saturday Y'all. Im currently eating gelato/watching a chick flick, because what else does one do on a Saturday. I'm a typical girl sometimes. I know. This is pretty much my go-to outfit for a Saturday because it's so effortless and comfortable. I'm definitely a heels girl, however, occasionally I feel like being comfortable and these loafers are perfect for the job. I typically never do my hair on Saturdays and just rock the leftover curls or waves, so that's what's going on in this look. Laziness at it's finest. Oops. 

I hope you all have an incredible weekend.❤️ 

XOXO

Nikkimarie

Hat: Target

Scarf: Target

Bag: Olivia and Joy

Skirt: Nordstrom Rack

Shoes: GH Bass

Watch: Fossil